When I was in my 30’s the “self-help” section of the bookstore was miles long. I was a wife, mother of two young boys, full-time employee, daughter, volunteer, and, at that point, a 25-year-struggler with my weight.
Back in the 1960’s, we had at least thirty students in each classroom, and in our school, three classes per grade, so 90+ third graders, fourth graders, etc. I was overweight, as was a boy in another classroom. Two of us out of over 90. Today, no one would have even noticed because unfortunately so many children are overweight. In addition, I had curly hair and my mother dressed me funny – which of course led to all manner of teasing from the other students. . .not to mention my older brother who called me names and tormented me on a daily basis.
So, I bought many, many, of those self-help books trying to figure out why I was fat. I saw lots of things that probably led to it, and I did my best to lay blame at the feet of my parents, although I never said a word to anyone about that. Those were the days when all the pop psychologists were talking about the “tapes we play in our heads”. Here is my powerful protective mechanism: I remember thinking, and actually telling a friend, that “I don’t have tapes that play in my head, but if I did, they would say, . . . . . . “ and then I would repeat all the foul, awful, hurtful, things that had been said to me as a child. I was so far in denial, that I was even denying that I was repeating those awful things, calling myself those awful names, by saying I wasn’t doing it, but if I did, I knew exactly what I’d say. Crap!
Our friend Dr. Phil has said that when the bully goes away, we pick up where he left off and keep beating our self up. Talk about programming the subby!
MK 22:15 “Every cell in my body is intelligent and will respond to my direction. The cells are all creators and will create the exact pattern which I give them.” First my brother, then my classmates, then I took over the job of telling myself how fat I am, and how worthless I am, etc. 50 years of undoing what was done is a job! The work is never over. I am thankful for Mark and Davene and MKMMA.