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Have Faith and Keep Going

Week 22 – Powerful Protective Mechanism

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When I was in my 30’s the “self-help” section of the bookstore was miles long.  I was a wife, mother of two young boys, full-time employee, daughter, volunteer, and, at that point, a 25-year-struggler with my weight.

Back in the 1960’s, we had at least thirty students in each classroom, and in our school, three classes per grade, so 90+ third graders, fourth graders, etc.  I was overweight, as was a boy in another classroom.  Two of us out of over 90.  Today, no one would have even noticed because unfortunately so many children are overweight.   In addition, I had curly hair and my mother dressed me funny – which of course led to all manner of teasing from the other students. . .not to mention my older brother who called me names and tormented me on a daily basis.

So, I bought many, many, of those self-help books trying to figure out why I was fat.  I saw lots of things that probably led to it, and I did my best to lay blame at the feet of my parents, although I never said a word to anyone about that.  Those were the days when all the pop psychologists were talking about the “tapes we play in our heads”.  Here is my powerful protective mechanism:   I remember thinking, and actually telling a friend, that  “I don’t have tapes that play in my head, but if I did, they would say, . . . . . . “  and then I would repeat all the foul, awful, hurtful, things that had been said to me as a child.  I was so far in denial, that I was even denying that I was repeating those awful things, calling myself those awful names, by saying I wasn’t doing it, but if I did, I knew exactly what I’d say.  Crap!

Our friend Dr. Phil has said that when the bully goes away, we pick up where he left off and keep beating our self up.  Talk about programming the subby!

MK 22:15  “Every cell in my body is intelligent and will respond to my direction.  The cells are all creators and will create the exact pattern which I give them.”   First my brother, then my classmates, then I took over the job of telling myself how fat I am, and how worthless I am, etc.  50 years of undoing what was done is a job!   The work is never over.  I am thankful for Mark and Davene and MKMMA.

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Comments

  4. Marty Wenzel says

    Thank you, reading through your post the second time, much of what you state really resonates with me, we become what we think .. Today I am grateful, grateful to have the opportunity to be on this journey of discovery with you..

  5. crazy craig (@masterkeycraig) says

    Fat, fearless, and feisty. You may try to get over on Pam, but when she gets over on you, she does it twicety! With all that pent up unworthiness, hurt feelings… going for you, you’ll be knocking them dead like a bowling ball headed for a 300 game! Loren

  7. masterkey.ultimateglutenfreelifestyle says

    Thank you for sharing your experiences growing up. Many of us have to reprogram ourselves due to similar “tapes” being run through our heads. Change is hard but so worth it in the end. Keep working on it and you will see the rewards in the end.

  9. marciau says

    Ouch! People/kids can be cruel. No doubt about it. “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” And now we all have the tools to use when we choose not to suffer–now or in the future! Way to go Nancy! You have such a support team all around you in MKMMA.

  12. Lori Enrico says

    Nancy – I, too, grew up in the 60’s and 70’s and always felt like the “chubby” girl – even though, in retrospect, I was never as big as I envisioned. In my mid-20’s I was determined to break free of that and eventually became a health and fitness nut, which eventually led me to my current path and business. Then I raised a beautiful, talented daughter who suffered from compulsive overeating by 5th grade, became self-destructive in Jr high, left high school at 338 lbs and then took matters into her own hands and became bulimic in college in order to lose weight fast and gain acceptance. After a long saga of disfunction and then recovery, she is an amazing, self-assured 28 year old who loves herself right where she is (though bigger than society would endorse). She and I both tell you to love yourself unconditionally where you are right now…..that you are WHOLE, PERFECT, STRONG & POWERFUL……..obviously you are LOVING………and that you deserve to be – and absolutely ARE HARMONIOUS AND HAPPY. You are now armed with the tools to crack the cement…..and clearly, you are doing a fantastic job. i am very proud of you!!