I appreciate becoming more of an observer. It is SO easy to see the stumbling blocks others are putting in their own lives. It is easy to see how the bad result they are dealing with came from this poor choice, on top of that poor choice, compounded with this other poor choice over here, while listening to them whine, “Why do all the bad things happen to me?!?!” Seeing it in others is easy.
Seeing it in myself has also become more easy – but then doing something different, not so much. But, at least now I do see it, and I recognize the old blueprint, and I’m observing myself doing the same old things, and thinking how my future self will look back and wish my today-self could get a grip and change. The last several weeks of MKMMA have been very difficult for me. I’ve wanted to quit – but I’m stubborn as a rock, and when I give my word, I give my word. My cement is so thick. I hope they will let me repeat the class.
I got another look at the “connected-ness” today. I was working in my kitchen this afternoon, listening to some tunes, and my thoughts turned to a friend in the southwest – a young man who has really inspired me in many ways over the last year or two. Although he hasn’t said anything, I’ve had a “feeling” that he was going through some internal struggle for the past few weeks. I thought about him for quite some time, and I found myself imagining him taking part in the finish-line celebration of one of my goals. I sort of “woke-up” and realized that this entire scenario was all worked out – what it was, who was there, the weather, the music, what I was wearing, what I was saying and doing. Tears were actually running down my face – (in the scenario and for real). I realized I had just finished an upright, moving, cooking, cleaning, “sit”. I saw it – I felt it- I heard it, and I didn’t even know I was doing it. My subby put it all together, and took me on a ride to look at my future.
And then a few hours later, I checked facebook, and my Phoenix friend had sent me a message about the struggles he’d been going through in the last few weeks, and the change of direction he feels God is taking his life, and he wanted me to know that he and his wife think of me as family, and that he loves me and will always be there for whatever I may need – and get this – the timestamp on his note corresponded to my kitchen “sit”. While I was thinking about him, he was writing to me. We are all connected. The crazy part? I’ve never met him – only spoken to he and his wife once when they called me after my dad died.
MK 21:7 “Large ideas have a tendency to eliminate all smaller ideas so that it is well to hold ideas LARGE enough to counteract and destroy all small or undesirable tendencies. This will remove innumerable petty and annoying obstacles from my path. I also become conscious of a larger world of thought, thereby increasing my mental capacity as well as placing myself in a position to accomplish something of value.”
My subby presented me with a large idea today. My conscious mind doesn’t seem to understand yet that it’s not in charge. I’m not one that will become a double-diamond with sprinkles on top in an MLM – I won’t be famous for anything; not too many will know my name. But the ones who do, will know they have been loved and appreciated.
I’m so grateful. Thanks for reading and listening. I won’t give up – don’t you give up, either!