My first real job while in college was as a waitress in a large, popular seafood chain restaurant. I knew nothing about seafood, and had never been a server, so there was a whole lot to learn. It was very hard, and very confusing to me.
Come to think of it, everything was the same color as well – beige. Fried or broiled – – fish, shrimp, potatoes, hush puppies, etc. are all the same color. I digress. Anyway, I have a very distinct memory after having been on the job about a week or so. My order was out of the kitchen, and had to be taken out within a minute of hitting the pick-up window. All of the sudden – it all made sense! The Shore Platter was on a round plate and included 6 shrimp, a whiting filet, baked potato and hush puppies. The Seafood Dinner was on an oval platter, with fried shrimp, broiled snapper, fried clams, potato and hush puppies, and on, and on, and on! My 19-year-old self finally saw through the maze and haze and all those different meal combinations finally made sense to me and it all seemed so easy!
This week has not gone well for me MKMMA-wise. I was enthusiastic on Sunday during the webinar – and more excited when I watched the video on youtube where it could actually be understood. Then I started getting sick and woke up Monday morning feeling terrible – – -but that is no excuse to stay home from work, so off I drove at 4 am for a thrilling 10 hours of feeling like crap and catching up from being off the week before. And again on Tuesday, same thing. My KC Royals played Tuesday night, but I had to go to bed and try not to die, so I missed that, and I missed them win Wednesday night. I tried to keep up with my reading, and did poorly with that – and could read nothing out loud – – my throat hurt too bad. . .and when I tried to 15 minute sit, I couldn’t be still for catching my nose which was running all over the place. I’m still waiting on my 3rd revision of my DMP, and I think I hate it, too, and may want to change it again. I’m feeling very disconnected from my journey this week.
So, why am I talking about fried fish? Fried Fish Gives Me Hope! After struggling to learn, and persevering though when I didn’t think I would ever learn all those menu options – I did! And I will struggle and persevere and I know that one day soon, this too will drop into place, make sense, and all seem so easy!
I have to learn to give myself a break and put the red pen away. I am no Wonder Woman, and my best will just be different week to week. I think I’m getting to be ok with that!
(p.s. Be Royal!)
Love your story Nancy. Great to hear that even with all the challenges you see the light. Inspiring. Thanks.
I totally get what you are relaying to us! I appreciate your honesty, I am glad I am not the only one with these feelings and thoughts. Keep up the good work and being a great observer of where you are!
Relax! The pieces do fall together in time. I found it interesting how you allowed yourself to get sick. I’ve had just the opposite effect from the reading, all my pain has disappeared. Remember that you can be what you will to be and ‘just’ feel really, really good every day. Keep smiling, Nancy
I can feel your pain while trying to sit with running nose! I would hate it to get sick right now… Whenever I feel any sign of pain of discomfort I start repeating ‘Failure like pain is alien to my life’. Or recently ‘I can be what I will to be’. It really works.
On the other side my lazy subby is still not giving in when it comes to waking up in the morning… I need to find a good trick for that. But you’re getting up at 4am with no problem even when you’re sick! You’re much stronger than you think darling. Keep up the good work and you’ll be happier than you could ever imagine xxx
Thanks for the kind words, Monika – but I get up at 3 – start driving at 4. I work 10.5 hour days so I can have a day off in the middle of the week. . . so, if there’s a reason to do it, I find a way. Believe me, I don’t get up that early when I’m not working! But I will say, i LOVE being up early in the morning – I like to hear the birds wake up in the spring and summer – it’s a real blessing!
Giving ourselves grace through this process is key. I have found that allowing myself grace has helped to defeat the perfectionism monster that is eagerly waiting to take over at the first sign of weakness in my new BluePrint.
Way to go, being so honest about your week! And you might not feel like Wonder Woman, but you ARE! Keep moving, you are on the right path!