You know, I always feel like if I hear the same thing from more than one person, who has no way of knowing the other, it’s a clue.
So I got that clue this week. One dear soul called me out because she had been noticing that I’ve been saying things about myself that are not positive. Nothing that I thought anything about – obviously – or she wouldn’t have done it. Things like – “Ugh, this hair!” “I’m moving out of this light – makes me look jaundiced.” And the like.
I didn’t think anything about it because, have you seen my hair!?! Wait, is that sarcasm masquerading as humor to deflect from something I see as a defect? Um, I’d have to say yes to that!
Actually, I have the best hair of my family – and even though it’s thin and wavy in the back and straight on the sides and top, I have actual hair! There was a time in 2004 -2005 that I didn’t! Here is a scanned image three months after starting chemo with the added bonus of tons of steroids:
The scan is weird, but you get the idea – no eyebrows, eyelashes, or hair. I did have lovely scarves that I made. This one was part of the Christmas collection!
The next call-out was from my piano teacher. I’d swear she was a Master Key Guide with the things she was saying to me about the things I was saying about my playing. It was embarrassing to say the least, since I’ve been teaching/preaching these principles for five years! I did say that I thought at my age I would be better – and she said – go back to the beginning pieces and see how far you’ve come! WHACK! I tell my members that all the time! Go back and read your first few blogs! We can’t see the day-to-day, but wow – look back six months, and let’s talk!
As far as looking jaundice – I have way too many amber lights in the house and need to replace them with daylight. Wasn’t exactly putting myself down, but could have chosen better words about the light fixtures and left myself out of it.
I had pretty much stopped wearing makeup in 1998, just doing bronzer and eyeliner for work – then without eyelashes to guide my hand, the eyeliner bit was out. I gave up caring what people thought of how I looked a long time ago, but after my friend called me out, I had to wonder. I think part of it is not wanting to disappoint others, but my mastermind buddy nailed it:
Even though we have been practicing eliminating negative self-talk for six years, saying positive things about ourselves hundreds or thousands of times, how many millions of negative thoughts/comments do we need to overcome from the decades before the MKMMA? It’s a numbers game!
I appreciate being called out – I’m so much better than I WAS, but still have work to do to get where I’m going! I cherish having friends who will speak the truth in love!